Ten reasons to be happy

As more time passes since my diagnosis and my operation, I feel as if I should be improving a little bit every day - physically and emotionally. However, I'm definitely learning that this journey isn't that simple. Sometimes, I feel sad. Other times, I feel angry. Sometimes, it's too hard to be positive and I get fed up of pretending. And, most days, I'm EXHAUSTED.

Although I'm very good at putting pressure on myself and berating myself for not getting better quickly enough, I'm trying to remind myself that this ordeal has been a pretty big deal and there are no set timescales to follow in terms of my recovery. Easier said than done, believe me, but a lot of people have told me I need to be kind to myself and I think they're right.

In order to help me through my recovery and to try to counteract the negative emotions when they crowd me, I'm trying to focus on the little (and big) things that make me happy. I thought I'd share some of those things with you...

1. My family and friends

I blogged about the support of my family and friends last week, and these amazing people in my life are still continuing to support me every day. My support network is definitely something to be positive about! 

2. Christmas is coming

I've always been a huge fan of all things Christmas, and this year I'm even more excited than usual about the festive period. After such a horrible few months, it'll be really nice to end 2016 on a high with my favourite time of year. 

3. Florida 2017

We've booked to go back to Walt Disney World next April and I couldn't be more excited. A huge incentive to keep positive and keep improving! 

4. Hot chocolate

I've drunk a ridiculous amount of hot chocolate during the last few weeks, even by my hot-chocolate-addict standards. I'm steadily trying all the different festive drinks, one by one.

5. My car

I'm now allowed to drive again after having an enforced six weeks off after my operation. I have a new-found appreciation for my car and how much I rely on it! At the moment, I'm mostly using it to satisfy my craving for hot chocolate...

6. Cosy nights in

Our cosy nights in are currently even more welcome than usual as I'm so tired all the time. I'm spending a lot of time in my pyjamas, slippers and dressing gown in the company of our latest Yankee candle! 

7. Books

I'm making the most of my free time and reading book after book after book! Reading always makes me happy and is by far my favourite form of escapism. 

8. Food

Well this is an obvious one (for me)... sometimes, when I'm having a really bad day, the thought of having a nice evening meal or eating out in one of my favourite places makes me feel happier even it's only for a few minutes! 

9. Autumn walks

The weather has been lovely for the most part during my recovery so I've been for lots of autumnal walks. Definitely the prettiest season!

10. My iTunes

On those days when I'm busy blogging or don't feel like watching TV, I love listening to my iTunes on shuffle in the background. Who couldn't be cheered up by the likes of McFly, S Club 7 and B*Witched?

What makes you happy during difficult times? Let me know! 

Two very simple words... thank you!

If you've read my most recent blog post, you'll know that I've been going through a difficult time during the second half of this year. I really couldn't have got through it all without the support of my family and friends and I want to thank you all a million times over.

Sending gifts and cards (and gift cards), giving me a hug, sending me positive vibes via Instagram or Twitter, having a hot chocolate with me, sending me a text or motivational Disney quote... all these things, however big or small, made me feel a bit better when I was at my lowest and continue to give me the strength I need to get through this.

Special thanks go to Neil and my parents for being the best husband and parents anyone could ask for during what was undoubtedly a horrendously difficult time for them too. They saw me and supported me at my worst, visited me in hospital twice every day, came with me to appointments, helped me with those little tasks I just couldn't do on my own, completely took over the bigger tasks so that I didn't have to think about them, listened to my worries, and held me while I cried.

I know I'm incredibly fortunate to have such an amazing support network and I need to remember this through everything that's still to come. 

I thought I'd include some photos of the gifts and cards I've received as another way of documenting my journey. I didn't take photos of everything because some days I didn't feel well enough to take photographs (I know, I must have been REALLY ill). Also, it won't surprise you to hear that I ate some of the edible gifts before I had a chance to photograph them... I had to celebrate getting my appetite back somehow!

So, here are just some of the lovely things I received:

I really was and still am overwhelmed by everyone's kindness and support - thank you! 

The letter that saved my life

Two months ago, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer.

One month ago, I went through life-changing major surgery.

A few days ago, I was told that the cancer is all gone and I need no further treatment.


Let me start from the beginning.

On Friday 15th July, a letter landed on my doormat which would change my life forever. As soon as I picked it up, my heart sank. I knew from the postmark that it contained the results for my recent smear test, and I knew from the thickness that it wasn’t my usual ‘your smear test results are normal’ letter. I opened it to read the news that my smear test had shown an abnormal result and I was being referred to the colposcopy clinic.

I waited a nail-biting eleven days for that first appointment. I saw a lovely consultant who reassured me that it was very unlikely to be cervical cancer as my last three smear tests had been normal and my recent smear test had been bang on time. However, he did say that the abnormality found in my sample was a rarer glandular type which would require treatment. He went ahead and took away the abnormal cells then and there. I was told that my sample would be marked as urgent due to the nature of the abnormality and that I’d have the results within two weeks to confirm what exactly was in the sample and if there were clear margins.

When I didn’t hear anything after one week, I dared to hope that everything was fine. Surely if they’d found something terrible, they’d have called me back within a few days? Two weeks passed, and I still hadn’t heard anything. I chased and was told my sample was still with the histologist and I’d receive an update as soon as possible. Three weeks passed, and now I was starting to panic. The unexplained delay and vague responses to my telephone calls were now starting to point towards something more sinister. More phone calls to the hospital revealed that my sample had been sent off for further testing – there were definitely high grade pre-cancerous cells present and they were trying to identify a few rogue cells. An appointment was made for me with the consultant on Wednesday 24th August to discuss my results.

It’s an understatement to say that I was a nervous wreck on the day of the appointment. Deep down, in spite of everyone else’s reassurances, I knew this wasn’t going to be a breezy ‘all clear’. We sat down in the consultant’s office and were told that it wasn’t good news – there was a cancerous lesion in my sample and the ‘gold standard’ treatment for this type and stage of cancer (adenocarcinoma 1b1) was a radical hysterectomy.

This isn’t the time or the place to describe how I felt after hearing these words. After hearing bad news about their health, or about anything else, people tend to say ‘I never thought it would happen to me.’ I suffer with health anxiety so, ironically, I always thought it could happen to me. Even so, I can never describe how it felt to hear a consultant confirming all my worst fears and nightmares and to have certain hopes and dreams so cruelly snatched away in an instant.

My husband and I had some difficult decisions to make about the surgery options offered to us which I’m not going to detail here. Those post-diagnosis conversations, thoughts and decisions were even harder than hearing about the cancer diagnosis itself and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to open up about the anguish and torment I’ve been through, or the agony we went through as a couple during that time.

We’d booked a holiday to Florida over a year ago and were due to fly on Thursday 1st September, just over a week after my diagnosis. The consultant didn’t see any reason for us not to go away – I felt perfectly well and didn’t have any symptoms, and they couldn’t undertake the surgery for a couple of weeks as I’d still be inflamed from my last lot of treatment. So, on the consultant’s advice, we went away and tried to escape from it all. Although we obviously had the diagnosis and impending surgery hanging over us, we went away to our favourite place in the world and had the best time possible. 

Leaving Florida after a lovely two weeks was even more difficult than usual as the reality of what I had to face after we got back became more and more stark. I had a week and a half to prepare, then I went into hospital on Sunday 25th September ready for my surgery the following day.

I’m leaving out the details about the surgery… I’d never had major surgery before and hadn’t even had a general anaesthetic since I was 6 years old so I had no idea what to expect before or after the operation. Let’s just say I never want to have an operation again!

It’s now been four weeks since my operation and I’m feeling much stronger physically. As I revealed at the beginning of this post, I’m hugely thankful to report that all the cancer has been removed and I won’t need any further treatment as the chances of re-occurrence are very low. However, it goes without saying that the psychological scars will take much longer to heal and will have a long-lasting impact due to the life-changing nature of the surgery. .

I’ve religiously gone for my smear tests since I became eligible when I was 21 and always make my appointment as soon as I get the calling letter. My smear tests when I was 21, 24 and 27 were normal, and my most recent smear test took place exactly three years after the last one. However, this still happened to me. I sometimes feel angry that I’m in this position in spite of research proving that testing every three years will prevent the development of cervical cancer in the vast majority of cases… why did I have to be one of the rare ones? However, instead of being angry, I’m trying to focus my energy into being grateful that I went for my smear test when I did.

Please, please, PLEASE, if you’ve been putting it off or have been ‘too busy’, please go for your smear test. I don’t even want to think about what would have happened to me if I’d let mine slip for a few months, let alone a few years.

Also, if you have any suspicious symptoms which you’re worried about, I strongly urge you to go to your doctor and insist that they take you seriously. I had a symptom four years ago which was a warning sign for cervical cancer and my GP at the time was completely disinterested and dismissive. I had to fight, fight and fight some more for further tests, but my GP was adamant that I couldn’t have a smear test because I wasn’t due one. My consultant has assured me that this symptom was unrelated to my diagnosis as I had a normal smear test a year later and the symptom eventually subsided, but that GP should still have listened to my concerns and referred me to the experts. If you’re worried, don’t take no for an answer. You know your own body, and your health is the most precious thing in the world.

I’ve left a lot out of this blog post because this has undoubtedly been the most difficult, frightening and heartbreaking three months of my life, with more distressing times to come. I don’t feel able to talk about it all yet, privately let alone publicly, and perhaps I never will. However, I hope this post will be of some help to others in a similar situation and will also help to raise awareness about the importance of cervical screening (and any other screening you might be eligible for). Smear tests might not be the most pleasant thing in the world, but I can assure you that they’re more pleasant than a cancer diagnosis and everything that goes with it.

I can safely say, without a doubt, that my smear test saved my life.

P.S. Thank you to all those people who have supported me during the last three months - I can't thank you all enough. 

Clogau's beautiful Forget Me Not range

2016 has been a difficult year so far.

At the beginning of the year, my grandmother passed away at the grand old age of 98. She'd been suffering a lot towards the end so it was comforting to know that she was in a better place with no more pain, but it was still very upsetting for all those left behind. I have many precious memories of my Nan and she taught me so many crucial life lessons which I still live by today.

My grandmother kindly left me some money and I wanted to make sure I spent some of that money on something significant and meaningful in memory of such a special lady. I scoured the internet for weeks and eventually came across the perfect keepsake - Clogau's Forget Me Not necklace.

The necklace is really beautiful and I smile to myself every time I put it on. Nan always used to smile fondly at my love of jewellery, even though she wasn't a jewellery magpie herself, so I'm sure she'd approve of my choice.

After buying the necklace and falling in love with it, my eyes inevitably strayed towards the rest of the Forget me Not range. However, I couldn't justify spending that much money on anything else from the range so I decided to be content with my necklace.

A few weeks later, along came my 30th birthday and a new ring from Neil...

There are two rings in the range - this small stacking ring and a bigger Forget me Not ring. Neil correctly decided that the small stacking ring was much more appropriate for me as my hands are so small! It was so thoughtful of him to buy this ring as an accompaniment to my beautiful necklace and it made me very happy on my 30th birthday morning.

And lastly, to complete my Forget me Not story, I've been going through a difficult time in the last few weeks which I might blog about next week (if I'm brave enough). Neil has been amazing throughout the whole ordeal and took me into town on a particularly difficult day last week to buy a special gift from a certain shop...

The beautiful Forget me Not earrings! These earrings really are stunning and look so perfect and elegant when worn with the necklace and the ring. I wore the whole set last weekend and it's fair to say that it cheered me up significantly.

So, although 2016 has been a very difficult year in parts, one positive thing has come out of it... my discovery of Clogau's Forget me Not range!

Are you a Clogau fan? If so, you should definitely pop in to your local store soon to take a look at their Forget me Not range. Please don't blame me if you also fall in love with the entire collection!

Florida 2016 - Advance Dining Reservations!

One of the most exciting things about going to Walt Disney World on holiday is that you can book so many aspects of your trip in advance. You can book the colour of your magic band, check in to your hotel and choose your preferences, make restaurant reservations, and make your 'fast pass' bookings for various rides and attractions. All these milestones and research opportunities make holiday planning so much more exciting!

With advance dinner reservations opening six months before your travel date, there's plenty of time to drool over various menus and make a list of those places you definitely want to book in advance.

We've booked eight restaurants so far for this year's trip so I thought I'd blog about them... I won't lie to you, I'm feeling extremely hungry as a result.

1. Plaza, The Magic Kingdom

We ate lunch at the Plaza on the first full day of our holiday in 2013, immediately after getting engaged! We've booked it again for our first day this year and I can't wait to go back. I'll definitely have dessert as well as a main based on the vanilla cheesecake I had last time which you can see on my A-Z of Walt Disney World - Food and Drink post. It'll be the first full day of our holiday so it's got to be done! 

2. San Angel Inn Restaurante, Epcot

This is one of the new restaurants we've chosen for this year, and it's situated in the Mexico pavilion at Epcot's World Showcase. The restaurant itself is in a beautiful themed setting and the menu looks delicious. I'm excited about trying yet another cuisine in Epcot! 

3. Shula's Steakhouse, Dolphin Hotel 

Shula's was one of our favourite restaurants last year and it was one of the first ones we booked for this year's trip. Quite honestly one of the best steaks I've ever had, and even the sides were exquisite. Who knew that mashed potato and asparagus could taste so good?

4. T-Rex, Disney Springs

Another new restaurant for this year - T-Rex! I've never taken a photograph of it for some reason despite walking past it tens of times, so here's an image from good old Google. If T-Rex is anything like Rainforest Cafe, I'll definitely love it there.

5. Narcoossee's, Grand Floridian

Another one of my favourite meals from last year's holiday and an absolute must for this year. Glowing cocktails and a spectacular main and dessert, as well as an amazing view of the fireworks at the Magic Kingdom's night show. The restaurant also streams the music from the night show which contributes to the magical atmosphere. This might well be the restaurant I'm most excited about!

6. Grand Floridian Cafe, Grand Floridian

Another new one for this year which comes highly recommended - the only breakfast we've booked so far. I love visiting the beautiful Grand Floridian so I'm very pleased that we're guaranteed to go there twice this year!

7. Morimoto, Disney Springs

This restaurant wasn't even open last time we visited so here's another stolen picture from Google! There are loads of restaurants to choose from in Disney Springs, but this was one we definitely needed to book in advance to guarantee a place. I love evenings spent at Disney Springs, and evenings which involve lovely food are even better. 

8. The Yachtsman Steakhouse, Yacht Club

Another new restaurant, and another steak house! I'm so glad I finally discovered steak on our honeymoon back in 2014... now I can't imagine going on holiday and not eating steak at least four times. The Yacht and Beach Club is set in one of the most beautiful areas in Walt Disney World with lots of pretty views and walking spots, so I'm really looking forward to our evening at the Yachtsman. 

What do you think of our Advance Dinner Reservations so far? We've got a big list of restaurants we still need to consider so it'll be interesting to see if we can fit them all in! 

34 days to go... it really can't come quickly enough. 

Restaurant review: Kaspa's

Kaspa's is a dessert restaurant which has two branches in Cardiff - one in the city centre and one on Roath's City Road. At first glance, the restaurant and its retro branding might not look very enticing or impressive. I promise you that first impressions are incorrect in this instance!

I'd been determined to visit Kaspa's as soon as I could after seeing lots of mouth-watering photos on Instagram. I decided to take the opportunity to go for the first time when two of my university friends came to visit as the three of us have a mutual love of food in common. We went for a late lunch at Cafe Citta before relaxing with a few cocktails, then we walked over to Kaspa's just before 9pm.

The city centre restaurant looks tiny and cramped at first glance but, as you're led to one of the many booths at the back, it becomes clear that it's a very long and narrow restaurant with plenty of seating areas. So don't let the gaggle of people hanging around by the door put you off - they'll either be waiting for their takeaway dessert or ogling the display cabinet!

The menu is massive. MASSIVE. You can choose anything from sundaes to waffles to cheesecakes to milkshakes to crepes, with a whole host of side and swap orders to give you even more choice. I decided fairly early on to narrow my options down to the Waffles section just for my own sanity. I figured that I could have a sundae or a cheesecake anywhere, but I've never had a particularly good waffle outside of America.

I eventually decided on the Strawberry Shortcake Waffle... in the meantime, I saw lots of waffles being delivered to other tables and realised what size they were! It's worth noting that, for an extra 99p, there was an option to choose your own flavour of ice cream to go with your waffle rather than Kaspa's standard vanilla ice cream or whipped cream. However, I had a sneaky suspicion that I wouldn't be able to finish the whole waffle, let alone tackle the ice cream, so I didn't go the whole hog this time.

My dessert arrived in no time at all...

Look how amazing it was! This beauty was made up of strawberries, crushed digestive biscuits and white chocolate sauce and it was absolutely heavenly. I couldn't finish the whole waffle as it was so big, but I made sure I ate all the strawberries and the crushed digestive biscuits as they were so delicious. Although I'm not usually a fan of excessive white chocolate, this sauce was really tasty without being sickly and helped to break up the texture of the waffle. As predicted, I didn't even touch the ice cream!

My dessert was £5.95 which I thought was pretty reasonable considering its colossal size, and they definitely didn't skimp on the toppings. You'll generally pay around £5 for a dessert in a chain restaurant and this was much bigger than anything I've ever eaten in one of those (thankfully - imagine trying to eat one of these immediately after a big meal!).

Just one piece of advice... I can eat a LOT, and I couldn't finish this even though I'd eaten my lunch 4 hours earlier. I wouldn't recommend going to Kaspa's straight after a big meal - save it for when you're really hungry or for a few hours after you've eaten.

Have you been to Kaspa's? What did you think? I can't wait to go back!

My frustrations with the blogging world

I've recently got my blogging mojo back and have been posting fairly regularly over the last few months. However, the general blogging world seems to be much more difficult to crack than it used to be when I first started out a few years ago.

Although I never write particularly personal posts as I don't have the confidence to publish and share them, I thought I'd go halfway there by sharing some of my blogging frustrations. Apologies in advance for the self-indulgent post, but I'm sure I won't be alone in some of these thoughts!

1. When you spend hours on a post and no one reads it

I know blogging isn't supposed to be about the numbers, but... let's be honest, the numbers are important. I blog as a way of keeping a digital scrapbook of what I've been up to and to focus on those things which interest me most, and I do obviously like it when lots of people read my posts. Who doesn't? I'm always keen to gather more views on posts I've spent a significant amount of time on just to see some return on my investment, but these are often the ones with the most disappointing take-up. For example, I literally spent hours on my recent Disney A-Z posts (here and here) and had low views for both even though people who have written similar posts have had lots of interest. It's difficult not to take it personally when you write at length about something you find interesting and are passionate about and no one takes a look!



2. When you try to take part in blogger chats but can't penetrate the clique 

This is something I've always struggled with, both in the blogging world and in real life. I've never been any good at becoming part of the 'clique' in my everyday life and it seems that it's no different when it comes to online interaction. How does one become part of that esteemed blogging circle? Everyone already seems to know each other and there often isn't room for someone who sits on the sidelines and isn't part of the 'in' crowd. I know engagement is the key to growing your following, but it's discouraging when you do try to engage and don't get acknowledged.

I gave up on the #lbloggers chats a long time ago for this very reason. I was hoping the more recent #disneybloggerschat would be different as the topic is right up my street and it's a bit smaller and more contained than the #lbloggers chat. Unfortunately not... it's exactly the same. When you feel as if you're standing on your tiptoes knocking on the window and no one's taking any notice of you, it gets a bit tiring and it's just easier not to take part. I used to contemplate attending a blogger meet-up but the thought of the same thing happening in real life where I can't escape or ignore it strikes fear into my very core!



3. When you can't get good lighting for your photos

This is a more light-hearted gripe, but how irritating is it when you've got lots of blog posts lined up which require a decent amount of photography and the weather is dull and grey for two weeks? Living in Wales, this is a frequent annoyance! There's only so much editing you can do to pretend you've had the perfect lighting, and I don't like using heavily edited photos on my blog.



4. When you proofread all your posts within an inch of their life and yet the badly written ones are still more popular

Those of you who know me in real life will be painfully aware that I'm a stickler for accuracy. I constantly and compulsively proofread everything from signage to labels to menus to my favourite books.. It goes without saying that I proofread all my blog posts dozens of times as they form an important part of my personal online 'brand', and I don't want any inaccuracies associated with anything I've written. However, I frequently read posts from all corners of the blogging world which are badly written and have been read and commented on tens of times. Doesn't good writing count for anything any more? I realise I sound as if I'm throwing my toys out of my pram here but it's something I feel very strongly about!



So... is there anything I can do about it? I could certainly improve on reading and commenting on other people's blogs which is something I'm determined to do more of. I read lots of blogs but hardly ever comment, and I'm also quite forgetful when it comes to replying to the few comments I get on my own blog. I also need to get better at reading through my Bloglovin feed - I often click on blog posts promoted on Twitter but haven't been very good at actively seeking out the posts from my favourite blogs in recent years. However, part of me feels that no amount of interaction will help with some of the issues above as it's just the way things are.

Does anyone else feel the same? Do you have any blogging gripes you'd like to share? Let me know!

As an aside... wouldn't it be ironic if this post wasn't well read?!

Last of the birthday blog posts... my birthday cards!

I love birthdays, Doesn't everyone? One of my favourite things about my birthday is receiving cards from my friends and family. Coincidentally, I also love sending cards to other people. They might not cost much or take much time to buy, write and send, but cards are a really thoughtful way of showing someone that you're thinking of them and wishing them well.

The cards I receive always have a very definite set of themes... pink, flowers, cakes and fluffy things! I had some beautiful cards from family members this year which I've pictured below - I even had a pretty birthday card from the in-laws' pets. I also love receiving 'Auntie' birthday cards from my nephews, particularly as my oldest nephew is now able to write the card himself. I think you'll agree that the themes I've mentioned above all feature strongly in this particular set of cards...

My birthday cards from work colleagues were an interesting mixture of humorous, floral and Disney-themed! One of my colleagues is well aware of my feelings towards the monarchy so the Kate and Wills card was an ironic choice, in case you were wondering. The card on the bottom left was thoughtfully arranged by Sue and signed by any colleagues who hadn't sent me a separate birthday card, and I loved my personalised Minnie card from Claire. All in all, a great birthday card haul from my colleagues.

I also had some lovely cards from various friends... as you can see, the standard themes continue! I had a couple of Welsh cards from this group of people, and I also received a brilliant personalised card from Liz which was full of hilarious memories from years gone by. I loved the thought that went into the messages inside this particular group of cards and I felt very privileged to have such generous friends with excellent card-buying/writing (and personalising) skills. 

My 30th birthday lasted longer than I could ever have imagined and I'm sure it's an occasion I'll remember for a very long time. Thank you to everyone who took the time to buy a gift, send a card or message me on the day itself - it means a lot. 

I'm now off to return the favour by writing my next set of cards for upcoming events/birthdays!